Don’t be fooled ladies, boys care about your personal grooming habits as much (if not more than) you do. Does that mean we should adapt to become more universally understood by these lesser beings? Absolutely not. But if you’re trying to lock-down a snack, here’s a few things to bear in mind.
Too much fake tan
Ahhh fake-tan, the gift that keeps on giving, the only way fake tan has let me down is by not turning into a person so that I can marry it. Seriously, I serenade my St.Tropez. That being said – I’m veeeeerrryyy prone to giving my tan a little bit too much love. In fact, I think if you google too much fake it may respond with ‘Did you mean?’ Kate Milliken. But hey, if it was between a boy and the bronze they can watch my overly tanned bod walk away faster than they can say streaky.
Cake = good, foundation = good, caked foundation = no good. Glowy, dewy skin is the sign of youth and vitality, two things that boys will slowly sap from you like a succubus that’s sole food source is your hope and patience. OK I’m back – too much foundation is just not a good look in general, it’ll cling to the creases in your face like a stage 5 and you just don’t need that ladies!
If there is one thing I know for certain, it’s that boys hate it when you shine brighter than them. That being said, even something as frivolous as a little too much glitter can be enough to shatter a guys fragile masculinity – consider yourself warned.
A sloppy shave
This will likely forever remain a mystery, but the more your skin resembles a short-beaked-common-dolphin the more he will like you.
Too much highlighter
Building on what I said earlier about not wanting to shine brighter than bae, I am a repeat offender when it comes to this? What can I say, I like highlighter so popping I practically blind every individual who comes to close to me in direct sunlight. Dating me is kind of like dating a chaotic-neutral unsteady handed perfectionist disco ball. How fun. When I’m feeling down, I pile on this product as if the reflection shining off my cheekbones can ward off evil – but sadly it can also ward off your date, so proceed with caution.
Bold lipstick colour
This is one I actually kind of understand from a guy’s perspective. I mean, who wants to be wiping this paint off your face all night? I might be alone on this, but I also think it tastes kinda gross and doesn’t smell that good either. So boys, I got you on this one.